About dem daddies of mine

Who would have thought that I'd would be writing about two men who changed my life through our meeting here on twitter.  Two men who have brought the best of me out when I at the time thought my life had reached a hooohummm level.  Two men who I adored and would share a laugh lasting for days ahead and beyound, yep my daddyB and daddyUP. 

Just after Christmas, DaddyB told me he was divorcing DaddyUp and giving DaddyUp full custody of me.  At first, I thought it was a mean joke but alas, quickly calling up DaddyUP, I sadly found out it was all too true.  I was stunned!  I knew that DaddyUp would be heartbroken and there is nothing I wouldn't do to help him or bring comfort to him, or take the pain, whatever it took to keep him less hurting.  DaddyUp was devastated.  It was so swift, like DaddyB took a razor sharp knife and cut DaddyUp ' heart out without even a whimper of sadness.   So cold! So mean!  So hardened!  No words of remorse, sadness of any sort, no words anything to hang onto!  Just off and away!

DaddyB on the other hand, was cool and aloof about it.  He told me as if he hadnt a care in the world and his decision was one that we should just accept and carry on about our lives.  He told me daddyup would be fine in time and would forget him as time goes by.....I wanted to get on a plane and smacked the fuck out of him right then and there.  How dare he!!!! 

For countless days and nights we (daddyup) combed through different emotions, asking our closest of friends had they heard about what was going on and if they knew anything different than what we knew but all were clueless.  Looking back at all of it, strikes an odd smile, that while we were looking for answers, making sure that daddyb was ok, in his right mind, or  holding back something dreadful, daddyb was just aloof to it all.  He never lost his composure, never gave it a second thought.  Simply telling us to move on, things will get better.  It didn't affect me as much as it did daddyup for they were partners and I was just the "squirt", However, if you value friendship as I do, hearing the words, "move on things will get better" is so cold, cruel, empty. 
This part is for you daddyb:

If you perchance read this or take the time to read it, I want you to know that I am not angry with you and probably never had a reason to be personally angry with you but I was at the time fucking pissed off as you are or at least I knew it to be, a "man of honor, integrity, respect" Compassion for your fellow men. You appeared to have tossed it all away when it came to dealing with daddyup. Perhaps, you didn't self evaluate your own worth to daddyup, perhaps you felt you were just anther man with nothing special going on in your life so you acted accordingly as many men do when it comes down to breaking up a relationship. Was daddyup a "fling"? Two effin years and it ends up with ..."sorry mate" it just doesn't work for me??? Where the fuck was your integrity, compassion, loyalty, respect and your word of honor at during this time???

 Yeah you probably knew daddyup would cry a bit....but let me tell you dude....he cried until there were no more tears to be shed, he cried like he lost his best friend, he cried like there was no tomorrow and I virtually held him when it should have been you....you should have held him and told him it was over....you should have allowed him the dignity of losing you, holding you, loving, hating and getting that final good bye out but you were a coward and you couldn't deal with it. You ran away.  You offered no closure.    You don't sound like the guy I called "daddyb".....

"Daddyb" The part of you that I choose to remember for a life time:

....in my darest hour back in Christmas 2009, you came into my life on twitter and the void I was missing seemed to have disappear. I met a nice guy who lifted me up in mind and spirit. I was dealing with my first xmas alone with my entire family gone, an orphan. You allowed me to be a kid again, one more time to feel something alive in me. Nothing dirty, nothing about sex,,,just about a kid with his "pop and doggie". Some would shudder at the thought of it all but you and I gave it a life of its own and we didnt stop being friends we wrote to each other, exchanged trinkets. Then the joy of your life entered....Daddyup....and the bond grew stronger. Many a laugh we shared.

I guess when you broke up with daddyup you had to disown me as well. I thought it was cute in a way and I knew it had to be. We both knew that I would always love you both but choose daddyup over you. Why? your life was busy, you had a busines to run and we were on different time zones so when I was on here at night you were working so I got to hang with daddyup more. He always made me laugh, he still does.

So farewell daddyb, I wish you well. I often wonder if you miss daddyup or even cared. But that's not an issue anymore as Daddyup is growing by leaps and bounds and yes, I am sure he still misses you in ways only he would understand but not to sound mean, he doesn't need you anymore. He found his self esteem again and he makes me more and more proud to be his friend and now his "sunshine".


For Daddyup

Everytime I write to you on twitter or on regular mail, skype, other communications, I continue to call you daddyup but I think we need to end that name as it continues to remind us both of the past and who really needs to think of a bad time of life.  So.....since Im still the "kid" known as "sunshine" I have decided to rename you "Papa".  or you can change the spelling of it...but no matter what you are still da poppy. and no we are NOT using Pop...unless we call you "Popup" :)  Let me know.


Truth be known, I am older than "Papa" @uptheshitter but since I am NOT OLD enough  to be his real daddy....I get to be "the kid" and will remain that way, until its time.  I have had a lot of fun being the kid at times on here with my family unit....esp with unk rog @brazilliantop ...I know this is the wrong spelling and will edit it later but I want him to know that he is still our family even though the other man is gone....what was his name?

Papa  is moving on with his life now and I am hoping to catch up with him in September 2012 when i visit for two weeks in the UK.  I have never driven a car with the steering wheel on the left hand side of the car this should be interesting and those "roundabouts" scare the fuck out of me but I will learn it ...come hell or high water as I want to pick Papa ..up for a ride of his life!!!

Peace
TJ